THE DUEL

Ok folks… I’m a little pressed for time this week, so you must forgive me for this abrupt start. You see I’m ‘in training’ and on the line are thousands of lives and one man’s soul. If I win, I save them all, and if I lose, I forfeit my honour along with the rest.

Here’s the prologue…

Some of you might recall a piece I’d written sometime back about the ethics of vegetarianism and, god bless ‘em, some readers actually wrote back claiming they’d turned vegetarian after reading the article. Among them was a dear friend from school… let’s call him RC (‘a lot more full-bodied than the bottled version’, was how one of his lady-friends had described him on graduation day). Now, RC’s a man with a heart of gold. He’s kind and generous, upright and honest and has the integrity of a slab of granite… a man you can lean on if you ever need support. Now, if the description so far suggests that he’s a bit of a good-natured simpleton, the truth is he’s far from it… For starters, he’s built like a Baywatch life-guard who’s too tired to swim… you know, handsome, chiseled features, a broad muscular chest and shoulders, but with a little inflated tube around the middle… nevertheless, you just know that there’s a rock-hard six pack hiding in there somewhere… And with wit and charm to boot, he’s quite a personable chap to hang out with… So, when he told me he’d given up eating meat, I was really happy, for him, because he would be free from the karmic debt of taking lives to pleasure his palate, and for the countless lives that might live a day longer because there is one man less demanding his pound of flesh for the next 70 odd years… the pen, I thought, might indeed prove mightier than the sword.

But what good is a happy ending without a twist in the tale; and so I met him at a food court for one of our lets-meet-up sessions, just in time to catch him devouring chicken wings… a common female friend of ours had once described him as “ohh! He’s such an animal”, and I’d wondered why… but looking at the ketchup splattered plate, mouth and fingers, I concluded she must’ve seen him eat… “What gives, RC? ...back to meat?”, I asked. “uh?”, I seemed to have startled him. “…Oh, it’s you!”, he looked sheepish, almost apologetic… “I tried so hard you know… I swear, didn’t eat it for weeks, but then every time I’d go to the gym, I’d feel so weak… without all that animal protein, I could feel all that hard-earned muscle wasting away… I couldn’t let that happen, you understand, na…”. Of course, I didn’t understand. “It’s just a psychological overreaction, RC. You don’t need meat to stay strong and healthy. Remember that show we saw on TV (“The Wheel of Life”, Star World) about those Shaolin monks. They’re vegans but didn’t you see them break rocks, balance their body on one finger and perform those amazing feats of strength? You don’t need meat, trust me…” RC was adamant. “No yaar, I’m not convinced. Every strong, well-built guy I know swears by chicken breasts. Show me a vegetarian who fits that bill, and I’ll go back to being a vegan.” I thought about the challenge for a while and then found inspiration in the extraordinary life of a 78-year-old man from New Jersey, called Herb Kelleher. Now Herb is the former chairman of Southwest Airlines who I had read about while in B-school and the bit I remembered most about him was an event called ‘Malice in Dallas’. The story goes thus - Herb’s Southwest had unknowingly begun using a slogan that was very similar to that of another aviation company’s – Stevens Aviation. When Stevens brought it to Southwest’s notice, the companies decided that instead of paying heaps of money to their lawyers to resolve the dispute, the two Chairmen would settle the dispute over a best of three series of arm wrestling matches. In the end, irrespective of who won, both companies enjoyed unprecedented publicity and every one was happy. Thus inspired, I threw down the gauntlet and told RC, “so you think that generally speaking, vegans aren’t nearly as strong as meat eaters, right? Ok… then let’s settle this over a best of three arm wrestling match, same place, a month from now. What say…?” By this time our spouses and friends had arrived and they all got very excited about the idea… Admittedly, it seemed like a no-contest. RC and I had trained together and his arm strength is phenomenal. I’ve seen him do biceps curls with his struggling-kicking wife while she held on to her shopping bags… not a mean feat I can assure you. RC looked at me with an expression that one might reserve for the most irritatingly infuriating child at a party who unfortunately happens to be the boss’ son. To humour me, he said: “fine, if you win I give up meat and if I win, you’ll start eating meat. Settled?” I balked, but under pressure from a raucous audience, agreed. RC sneered and almost inadvertently flexed those gnarly boulder-like things that sit atop his arm…

Driving back, I realised I might have bitten off more than I could chew. My schedule had thrown my yoga work-outs out of gear and I hadn’t seen the inside of a gym in ages. I needed to get stronger and in double quick time. So, I got back home and pored over books but found nothing that would make me fit and strong in time… Then I remembered the words of a vegan superman I once happened to meet… Sifu Zi, a Shaolin Master, he’d looked like a man who could run through a brick wall without batting an eye-lid and emerge unscathed. His whole being exuded power and vigour, but his face, true to the cliché, was aglow with the serenity of a sun-set by the sea… I had gone to interview him and if possible, learn a few moves.

Sifu Zi began by telling me, in excellent English, other than the odd missing ‘r’, that Shaolin Kung Fu owed its’ “owigins to India. Many years ago (in 527 AD, actually, as I discovered later), an Indian pwince called Da Mo (aka Sardilli) from the south of India awived at the Shaolin Temple to pweach Mahayana Budhism. At the temple he saw the pwiests were all weak and had twisted postures because all they’d do is sit and meditate... so Da Mo witweated to a cave for answers and nine yuhs later, weeturned with the secret teachings of the Yi Jin Jing (or, Muscle/ Tendon Changing Cassic). And that became the foundation of Shaolin martialarts as we know them today… yes from India… Today, the best Kung Fu mastaas use the Yi Jin Jing to become strong, healthy and invincible. Twaining with the Yi Jin Jing can make you vewy vewy powuhful vewy vewy fast. Old and young, boys and guhls, everybody can benefit from it… become healthy and stwong”. That day, I’d been very impressed, and proud of being an Indian, but then had forgotten all about it. But today I remembered those words… “very powerful, very fast”… just the thing I need, I thought.

I checked my notes from that day and tried to recollect some of the Yi Jin Jing moves he’d shown… I went to websites and book stores and finally found a book authored by a martial arts master Dr Yang, Jwing-Ming, which had a detailed account of the YJJ exercises. Book bought, I started my training, and with three weeks gone, I honestly feel stronger and fitter than I have in a long time. But RC isn’t sitting around on his well-muscled fundaments either. He’s been pushing some serious weight in the gym and the dance floor too. Not that he’s worried about losing, but he knows he carries on his shoulders the weight and expectations of all you meat-eaters and would rather not leave things to chance…

As for me, I’m in the battle for the sake of a good man’s soul, for by defeating him, I save him and thus, countless others. I’ve gotta go now… gotta prepare for battle, but if I win, here’s what’s in it for you… after I began training with YJJ, I’ve been able to lift heavier weights, sprint faster and have had marginal improvements in aerobic activities too… will it be good enough to win the battle for RC’s soul? I don’t know, but it really doesn’t matter for I have discovered a workout that was created by a vegan Indian, which in less than 30 minutes every day, offers strength and health, and as Dr Yang promises, great longevity and enlightenment(!!) too… it’s definitely worth experimenting with, folks… As for RC, he’s the first one I’m going to share this with… I know his heart’s too loving and kind to want to keep killing and eating other creatures, so in his heart of hearts, he wants me to win… and the rest of you, join a qigong class nearby that offers YJJ or if you can’t, then, like me find a good book and a good video and start your journey into strength health and enlightenment… Will keep you posted about the results…